Relationship Status
by angst cupcake
Summary: 'Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with Sam Evans.' Kurt x Sam


**Title: **Relationship Status

**Pairing: **Kurt Hummel/Sam Evans

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, unfortunately, because if I did, Sam and Puck would have already simultaneously attacked Kurt with an awesome, sexy threesome. ; )

**A/N: **It's been a while since I've written anything, but I really love to write, so it feels great to get back into the swing of it once more. Enjoy!

* * *

–

_'Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with **Sam Evans**.'_

–

"White boy. Tell me what I'm looking at." The call came only about ten... seconds after the post had gone up. Kurt propped the phone between his ear and his shoulder and rustled through his bag for the night's homework. He smirked inwardly, but outside was perfectly portrayed obliviousness.

"Why Mercedes, I'm not really sure what you're looking at." Kurt purred coyly and he could _hear_ the frown grow on her face.

"Don't you play dumb, Kurt. You _know_ what I'm looking at."

"I'm afraid I don't 'cedes, sorry. Maybe you could be more specific?" She huffs loudly into the phone and Kurt has to resist the urge to laugh.

"Kurt, I swear to god-"

"Mercedes, calm down. I have the perfect solution for this," Kurt returned to his laptop with his papers and scooted the chair closer, "You obviously need glasses. Now, if I could recommend-"

"Kurt, you better bring two pairs of extra clothing because _I'm_ about to throw a slushy at you come tomorrow morning." Mercedes threatened, and there was soon silence. Kurt stared down at his phone, watching the blinking numbers signal the end of the call. He looked back to the computer screen and smiled.

Huh. He was going to need a new profile picture soon.

–

"This is Jacob Ben Israel reporting here in McKinley High's South Wing hallway entrance, and right now, we're waiting for – aha, there he is!" Jacob waved his microphone dramatically and the camera panned back, revolving around. Kurt Hummel came into view of the frame.

"Kurt Hummel, in regards to Facebook last night, there was something that made many of your 43 friends very enthralled. Can you spare us some details?" Kurt raised a brow from between the camera to Jacob who was thrusting the microphone at him.

"And what details would I be regarding you with?"

"Those pertaining to your relationship status," Jacob pushed his glasses up his nose, "The one that said you are now currently in a relationship with McKinley High's star quarterback, Sam Evans."

"Ah. _That_," Kurt nodded, pursing his lips thoughtfully, "Well, do you really think something so obvious needs any more details? I'm pretty sure even an idiot like Noah Puckerman could have figured that one out without a school-wide report."

"Watch it, Hummel!" The camera backed up again, and rotated down the hall where Puck was currently sauntering down, face hard.

"Shuttup, Puck."

"Can it, queer."

"Neanderthal."

"Fag."

"Asshole."

"Are you getting all of this?" Jacob asked the boy behind the camera. The camera bobbed up and down. Jacob cleared his throat pointedly and the verbal sparring came to a halt. Kurt and Puck turned their attention back to the other, both identical in their angry stares.

"Since you're here Puck, can I ask you a question?" Puck looked a little put-off as Jacob was now prodding him with the microphone, seeming desperate that he speak.

"Uh, sure? Shoot."

"Ha. Funny. I get it. Now that you can't actually... well, shoot." Kurt chuckled and Puck sent a dangerous glare his way. It did nothing to phase him.

"Are you friends with Mr. Hummel on Facebook?"

"No."

"Why is that?"

"Because I keep denying him approval." Kurt smirked. He was beginning to look bored.

"Dude. I'd never friend you. Like... _ever_." Puck shot back and Kurt rolled his eyes as Jacob tried to steer the conversation back into place.

"What would you say, if you _were_ friends with him, if you saw that his relationship status currently said he was in a relationship with Sam Evans?" Jacob held the microphone out in front of him, but Puck was frozen, staring Jacob with a wide-eyed expression.

"Wait... _what!_" Puck whirled on Kurt – but as the camera turned about, they were able to spot him already halfway down the hall.

–

"Kurt."

"Rachel."

"What is the meaning of _this_?" Kurt's eyes almost crossed as Rachel suddenly held up a sheet of paper less than an inch in front of his face. Kurt pushed it back, blinking.

"Is that... a screenshot of my Facebook page?" Rachel nodded furiously to his question, "And... why is there a big red circle around-"

"You're dating Sam Evans?"

"You're not even one of my friends on that site, how did you-"

"Not the point. You're dating Sam?"

"Why would it be such a big deal to you if I was?" Rachel's eyes narrowed as Kurt threw up his hands in exasperation.

"You're trying to muscle in on Finn and I's power couple status. _And_ steal our solos. _My_ solos," Rachel looked positively enraged and Kurt was trying to stifle his laugh; it would have worked if he wasn't smiling the entire time she was mentally thinking of 1,000 ways to kill him, "Not happening, Kurt."

"Trust me Rachel," Kurt stood, picking up his lunch tray, "If Sam and I wanted to 'muscle in' on your and Finn's power couple status, we really wouldn't have to try that hard. I mean, I'm already captain of the Cheerios and he's the star quarterback," Rachel's cheeks were getting redder by the second, her fists crinkling the paper within her gasp, "Oh, and _please_, like we'd _ever_ sink as low to steal solos like you do." Kurt brushed hair from his face, smiling.

"Now, if you'll excuse yourself," Kurt picked up his bags, nose in the air, "You're breathing my air."

–

"Hummel." Kurt pushed the locker door back, and spotted Brittany and Santana behind him in the reflection as he continued to freshen up his face.

"Hmmm?" He hummed. Santana's head cocked to one side and Kurt could already tell that the hand that wasn't already linking pinkies with Brittany was fisted on her hip.

"Have you ever considered four ways?" Kurt's attention sparked and he closed his locker, turning around to the other two. Brittany was smiling broadly and Kurt felt that she didn't have the faintest idea why she was here talking to him, other than that Santana had dragged her.

"Why is that relevant?"

"Because you and Sam making out makes me fell all tingly," Brittany spoke suddenly, her blues eyes perking and Kurt had to retract his previous mental thought and realized maybe she _did _understand what was going on – a little too eagerly, "You know," She leaned in, whispering, despite the fact they were the only ones in the hall way, "_Down there_." She drew back, the grin even broader, as if she were proud of herself for admitting it.

Kurt raised a brow and Santana's cheeks were heavy with a blush, but her eyes were dark with lust all the same, showing that she wasn't denying it herself. In fact, she seemed to relish in the momentary pause, eying Kurt up and down before looking just slightly off to the right of him, as if imagining Sam next to him. In the next moment, Santana's eyes stilled and her lips pulled into an almost thoughtful smile that hid the wickedness in her eyes – "Are you thinking about me and Sam... having sex?" Kurt mused. Santana's eyes came back into focus and darted to his face. She recovered quickly,

"She's right Hummel. You and Sam getting it on... it's fucking sexy, even for such a _fag_."

"Well, the compliment's really so sweet of you, _dyke_." Kurt shot back without missing a beat. Santana's eyes narrowed and Brittany blinked, looking confused.

"Just because Sue Sylvester made you Head Cheerio and demoted me, don't think I won't break your ankle Hummel just to get you off the team." Santana threatened. Kurt grinned.

"I wouldn't think you'd do any less than the best."

"Lovely. Now, do we have a deal?" Kurt pondered it thoughtfully as Santana held out her hand, as if it were some sort of business negotiation.

"I'm not sharing him." Kurt said abruptly and Santana gave him a disgusted look.

"As if I'd share Brittany." She snapped, hand unwavering and Kurt grinned wickedly, grasping it.

"Deal."

–

"So... like... am I going to have to watch you guys to make out just to play on your system? Because dude, you know I like, bow down to that thing." Finn frowned as he walked beside Kurt, Artie rolling along beside them who looked mildly amused by the flash of exasperation on Kurt's face.

"We might live in the same room Finn, but I'm not _that _shameless."

"That scarf says otherwise." Artie pointed out and Kurt glared at him, touching the silken material self consciously.

"I'll have you know this is from Alexander McQueen's latest-"

"Yeah, yeah, some gay fashion designer invented something that costs five bazillion dollars, that could have been worth five cents through a labor factory." Artie rolled his eyes and Kurt's unwavering stare bored holes into his forehead.

"At least I don't look like I could be raiding Pee Wee Herman's closet."

"What'chu talkin' 'bout boy?" Artie frowned mockingly, "I look _fly_." Artie popped his suspenders and he could see Kurt suppressing a grin.

"But, ummm... y'know... yeah. Sam's a nice guy. But uh, like... what about... y'know... _sex_." Kurt glanced at Finn, pausing in the middle of the hallway.

"First of all, please don't act like sex is something you're not familiar with and whisper it like some sort of twelve year old girl – you and Rachel are gross," Finn nearly turned scarlet, "And second, because of you and Rachel, I deserve to do it once on your bed and-"

"You wouldn't!"

"I would! And I won't tell you when, and I won't tell you after I have until the next morning." Kurt beamed innocently, despite the fact the words coming out of his mouth were less than virginal.

"... Dude." Artie was staring at him, mouth agape, but anyone could see that he was impressed, even if not the least bit amused, "That's just cruel. Man-jizz that isn't mine on my sheets? Finn, I'd be washing those every day."

"He washes them about... oh, never. And they reek. So it might be a good thing." Finn looked about ready to be physically sick. Kurt gently patted him on the back.

"Don't worry though, you can still use my gaming system."

–

Sam was sitting on the hood of his car when Kurt walked out of the school, tossing an apple between his hands. If it were any one else, he probably would've started cursing them out right then – unless it was one of the football players (other than Sam, obviously). He might have walked right by or turned back around and waited until they got bored enough to walk away.

"Get your ass off my baby." Kurt tried to frown, but he was already smiling to widely to do so. Sam grinned down at him, and hopped down, apple in his mouth as it made a juicy _-crunch-_ when his teeth sank in.

"I thought you liked my ass."

"I do," Kurt pulled open the driver's side door, and put his bag in with a chuckle, "But it's not worth thousands of dollars."

"Ouch," Sam placed a dramatic hand over his heart, feigning hurt, "That stings, Kurt. Do you hear that?" Sam paused for effect and Kurt felt his cheeks swell with a blush when he actually paused to listen, "That's the sound of my heart. It's _breaking_."

"You're pathetic, we're not even six months in." Kurt laughed brightly and Sam tried to keep frowning, but it just wasn't working and he gave in, flashing a dazzling smile of bright teeth.

They'd been keeping their relationship, for the most part, a secret. Carol knew, but that had been on accident because Kurt was supposed to be tutoring Sam in Spanish, and instead, they'd gotten down and hot with a little making out and unfortunately, Burt and Carol had walked in from date night. Kurt had been sure that Sam was dead and that he'd never see the light of day again himself, but Carol, having spotted them before Burt got too far in, suddenly grabbed Burt by the arm, pulled the door shut while saying something along the lines of, "Let's stay outside for a bit, just for another minute, it's romantic."

It gave them time to get collected before they came in and afterward, when Burt had trudged up to bed, Carol had given them a stern (read: embarrassing) talking-to on safe sex, hormones, no kissing before the third date, and told Kurt that Burt would not be the only one coming after Sam with a shot gun should there be a second's notice of trouble. After Carol was gone, it was then that Sam had asked him out on a date for that following Saturday.

Five months later and they had decided to make it public. It wasn't official until it was Facebook official.

"So, when do I get promoted to 'baby' above the car?" Sam asked as he hopped in the passenger side seat.

"Shhh! Don't say things like that, she'll hear you!" Kurt pet the dashboard lovingly, as he took the sunglasses from his head and propped them on his nose. Sam reached over and took him sharply by the collar. Kurt yelped as the sunglasses were pulled from his face and warm lips were suddenly fastened to his own. The shock was only instant, though, as his eyes drifted shut and he eagerly leaned into the kiss, Sam's safe, assuring hand stroking the back of his neck, inching upwards and –

"No! No hair ruffling!" Kurt drew back, but it was too late. Sam had gotten both his hands into Kurt's hair, frazzling it. Kurt let out a whine of protest and pulled back, punching the quarterback hard in the shoulder, "You're an asshole, I absolutely hate you." Kurt glared at him and started the car, the engine coming to life as he looked at himself in the rearview mirror. Sam had an obsession with making his hair messy, like just-woke-up messy; something about how 'cute' he looked. Kurt did not agree.

"You'll hate me for about the next thirty seconds until you have something to say about your day," Sam teased with a heart-melting wink that left Kurt's hands shaking, "Besides, you'd never _actually_ hate me, you love me too much."

"Narcissist." Kurt snorted, shaking his head as he went for his glasses again. This time, though, when Sam kissed him, Kurt didn't hesitate to kiss back.

"I love you too, y'know." Sam smiled, affectionately brushing their noses together. Kurt felt his chest swell and he grinned almost deliriously; he felt like his face was going to get stuck in that position. They settled back into their seats and Kurt took a deep breath before he backed out, and headed out of the parking lot, practically high from all the joy and he almost couldn't believe this was happening and –

"Oh, wait! I almost forgot!" Kurt paused, putting the car in park and pulled out his cell phone. Sam stared at him curiously, before Kurt gestured for him to lean in close as he held the phone up above their heads. Sam could see them on the screen and recognized the camera signal.

"What's this for?" Sam asked, grinning to the tiny display screen as Kurt put the glasses back on his head and he laughed, the phone hovering above them.

"A new profile picture on Facebook is in order, what else would it be for?"

–

_'Kurt Hummel has changed his profile picture.'_

–

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Reviews are love. : )


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